Body Matters / Dating

Punching

CW: body dysmorphia, eating disorders, mention of self-mutilation I’m seeing this guy I really like. I keep referring to him as Perfect Guy, because to me, he is. He is everything I’ve hoped for in a date and more (the superstitious side of me, tiny as it is, can’t bear to refer to him as a potential partner just yet). I won’t bore you with […]

Body Matters / Dating / Romance

Chemistry Lessons

CW: body dysmorphia A guy just ended things with me by saying the chemistry wasn’t right. By telling me that he had liked me more when we were messaging, than in person. I wish I could say that it was the first time someone had said that to me, that there was no “spark”, but I can’t. It’s not even the second time this year […]

Dating / Polyamory

The Best Things About Polyamory

“So, what’s the big deal with polyamory, anyway?”  The freedom to be myself  I have the freedom to surround myself with the relationships I want to, the ones that work for me. I have the freedom to explore whatever I need to. I have the freedom to form bonds with those who enhance me. I have the freedom to become more independent and not rely […]

Dating / Polyamory

Swiping Right: Who I Date

The continual swipe left is giving me RSI. One after the other, faces rush past, faces that don’t seize or intrigue or attract me. They appear like ghosts; fleeting and morbid. The ghosts of future bad choices, of heartbreak, of misplaced humour, and of inevitable ghosting. Each and every one makes me feel a mixture of guilt and self-disgust, with a sprinkle of hope that […]

Dating / Erotica / Identity

Top to Bottom: becoming more submissive

There was a time where all I could think about, dream about, was fucking someone with a strap-on. I’d make their hole slippery wet with spit, tongue, and lube and ease the silicone inside them, either popping through a tight arsehole or pushing into a soft cunt. I wasn’t picky. Being in control of penetration, being an extension of it, that was a power I […]

Dating / Polyamory

My Polyamory Isn’t Weird

Recently at a party (a party where I wasn’t present, perhaps crucially) one friend told another how weird they find my relationship. Specifically weird was how I’m friends with my partner’s girlfriend*. Even more specific still, the friend found it weird how we sat next to each other, chatting and laughing, at a recent gathering for my partner’s birthday. They found it weird that we […]

Dating

The Ick

“What you up to?” There is no sentence that dries me out more than this one. It’s an instant ick. Before you asked this question, you could have been the most devastatingly, deliciously sexy person I’d ever met. I could have been panting for your touch, dripping with the anticipation of your lips meeting mine, my nipples might have hardened at the mere mention of […]

Body Matters / Dating

Do Bodies Count?

I don’t know how many people I’ve had sex with. I don’t know how many have penetrated me, how many have brought me to orgasm, how many dicks I’ve sucked. I’m not sure how many genitals I’ve seen in real life or how many have seen mine. How many flies have I zipped open with an urgent hunger?  I didn’t realise I was meant to […]

Dating

The Good, The Bad, and The Smug

I don’t fancy the guy who’s giving me head. The head is OK, the guy is OK, but I’m lying here, thighs spread, and my mind is gently drifting away. I’m not questioning why I don’t fancy him, there’s no panic or insecurity; I’m calm in my indifference. It’s like coming down in the morning and dutifully cooking breakfast, even though you’re not hungry. The […]