There’s a film which some people (me) like to watch at Christmas called The Holiday. It’s a terrible film, which includes a character who is both unable to cry and has been gaslighted by her ex into believing she’s bad at sex. It includes an exchange about foreplay being overrated; it’s trash. But, it’s festive trash. Anyway, the opening scene of the film involves Kate […]
Body Matters / Dating / Romance
Chemistry Lessons
CW: body dysmorphia A guy just ended things with me by saying the chemistry wasn’t right. By telling me that he had liked me more when we were messaging, than in person. I wish I could say that it was the first time someone had said that to me, that there was no “spark”, but I can’t. It’s not even the second time this year […]
Dating / Polyamory
The Best Things About Polyamory
“So, what’s the big deal with polyamory, anyway?” The freedom to be myself I have the freedom to surround myself with the relationships I want to, the ones that work for me. I have the freedom to explore whatever I need to. I have the freedom to form bonds with those who enhance me. I have the freedom to become more independent and not rely […]
Dating / Polyamory
Swiping Right: Who I Date
The continual swipe left is giving me RSI. One after the other, faces rush past, faces that don’t seize or intrigue or attract me. They appear like ghosts; fleeting and morbid. The ghosts of future bad choices, of heartbreak, of misplaced humour, and of inevitable ghosting. Each and every one makes me feel a mixture of guilt and self-disgust, with a sprinkle of hope that […]
Dating / Erotica / Identity
Top to Bottom: becoming more submissive
There was a time where all I could think about, dream about, was fucking someone with a strap-on. I’d make their hole slippery wet with spit, tongue, and lube and ease the silicone inside them, either popping through a tight arsehole or pushing into a soft cunt. I wasn’t picky. Being in control of penetration, being an extension of it, that was a power I […]
Dating / Polyamory
My Polyamory Isn’t Weird
Recently at a party (a party where I wasn’t present, perhaps crucially) one friend told another how weird they find my relationship. Specifically weird was how I’m friends with my partner’s girlfriend*. Even more specific still, the friend found it weird how we sat next to each other, chatting and laughing, at a recent gathering for my partner’s birthday. They found it weird that we […]
Dating
The Ick
“What you up to?” There is no sentence that dries me out more than this one. It’s an instant ick. Before you asked this question, you could have been the most devastatingly, deliciously sexy person I’d ever met. I could have been panting for your touch, dripping with the anticipation of your lips meeting mine, my nipples might have hardened at the mere mention of […]
Body Matters / Dating
Do Bodies Count?
I don’t know how many people I’ve had sex with. I don’t know how many have penetrated me, how many have brought me to orgasm, how many dicks I’ve sucked. I’m not sure how many genitals I’ve seen in real life or how many have seen mine. How many flies have I zipped open with an urgent hunger? I didn’t realise I was meant to […]
Dating
The Good, The Bad, and The Smug
I don’t fancy the guy who’s giving me head. The head is OK, the guy is OK, but I’m lying here, thighs spread, and my mind is gently drifting away. I’m not questioning why I don’t fancy him, there’s no panic or insecurity; I’m calm in my indifference. It’s like coming down in the morning and dutifully cooking breakfast, even though you’re not hungry. The […]