Ice Cream Sundaes (or, introducing vanilla to other flavours)

Rather than a single scoop of ice cream, I prefer a sundae. Let’s start with an indulgent, rich flavour such as chocolate or caramel, before layering creamy, complex vanilla on top. It’s best to be generous with your scoops; fill the glass until little drips begin to crawl over the rim. Then ladle on something fruity, whether it’s fresh chunks or cooked slowly until it’s jammy. Maybe then we could squeeze over something sticky and overly sweet, and finish with a cracking of nuts and a spurt of cream. Sometimes I’ll take a cherry, and pop it on top. 

Part of the fun of an ice cream sundae is making it; deciding what you really, really fancy that day and mixing whatever ingredients you damn well like. You could be craving something that’s comforting and familiar, or sharp, something that makes your lips pucker. You may want to taste something you’ve never experienced before, or you want something velvety slipping onto your tongue. Often, we want sweet, but sometimes adding something a little salty brings out all the flavour. Or, it can be uncomplicated and smooth and creamy and feel like a warm hug. 

The rest of the fun, of course, is eating it. Gently pushing your spoon down through the layers with little resistance and scooping out either a single taste or a dozen different flavours in one mouthful. You can use your tongue or finger to deliver elements into your watering mouth. The beauty of a sundae is it’s very easy to share with others, either one person or two or a group. You can make it exactly how you like it, to introduce a new flavour or texture or sensation to someone else, or make it together and mix all your favourites up into a delicious fusion of everything you both desire. A word of warning though; if you rush everything too fast, you could end up with a headache. 

I approach sex with those who describe themselves as vanilla exactly like making a sundae. 

Vanilla is a beautiful flavour. It’s in no way “plain”; it contains over 250 different chemical compounds, which work together to create that deep floral sweetness. It’s also not cheap or basic; gram for gram, it’s more expensive than pure silver. What it can be accused of, however, is being ubiquitous. Of being familiar. Of being “normal”. 

Vanilla sex can also be accused of being ubiquitous, familiar, and “normal”. However, no sex is “normal”. It can be safe, it can involve sticking a part of your body into someone else’s hole, it can be dull, it can involve nudity, it can be almost identical every single time you do it, but it’s never normal. Each person, if there wasn’t a recipe (and there isn’t a recipe for sex), would make an ice cream sundae in a slightly different way. Even if the ingredients are all identical, there would be contrasting amounts, the ingredients would be different brands and have different origins, there would be flourishes. If you’ve ever eaten lots of vanilla ice cream, you’ll know that no one recipe tastes the same; there are, after all, 150 different varieties of vanilla spice in the world. 

Rather than separating sex into vanilla and kinky, causing one or both sides to be othered and feared and pushed to the side, think of it more like an ice cream sundae. Vanilla ice cream can be part of a fucking good sundae. It can be the base for all the other elements to be built upon, or it can be a supporting act. Once you get a taste of other, spicier or more unusual, flavours, you might leave out the vanilla completely. All the sundaes I enjoy have a bit of vanilla in them. That’s not to say that everytime I fuck someone it needs to involve penetration, or kissing, or oral, or be done with affection, or end with a cuddle, but that having a familiar element helps to bring the whole experience together as one. And that element can be as small as stroking someone’s hair and still be hugely significant. 

Every person I have met who says they are vanilla, wants to explore other flavours. That’s not to say they are dissatisfied with the sex they’re having, but that they’re curious and want to push their boundaries and see me as a person to help them to push, whether it’s a tiny nudge or a hefty shove. The thing to do, is to make an ice cream sundae together. 

Let’s say you want to try face-fucking for the very first time, and you see my mouth as eminently fuckable. We will start with the signals; I’ll show you how I’ll double-tap your thigh when I need you to stop, how I’ll squeeze it when I’m good for you to fuck faster, and the nod I’ll give when I’m ready for you to grip my head. The base will be a very familiar blowjob; it’ll start slow, relaxing, and extremely wet, with you on your back and me in between your thighs. Your cock will be licked and kissed and sucked, worshipped, until it’s as hard as it possibly can be. Then, I’ll give you the nod. My throat will loosen a little, ready for you to use it, as you grab my head and start thrusting yourself in between my lips. 

Maybe you’d like to try anal play for the very first time, and you want to feel my tongue push further than it has before. We will start with the safe words; the red, amber, and green, for stop, pause, and more, please. The base will be a very familiar finger-fucking; it’ll start slow, with two of my fingers plunging into your already soaking wet cunt, before twisting over and beckoning you closer. I will begin to kiss up your inner thigh and finish at the sensitive spot right between your two holes, which will be gently licked before the pressure builds. Then, my tongue will press against your tightness. It will pause there, while I listen to your moans, listen for the green, then push inside. 

How about you feel a need to be restrained, to relinquish control over to me? We will start by testing what you feel comfortable being tied with and how firmly; the handcuffs, the silk tie, the tape, or the rope. The base will be a very familiar position, me on top; it’ll start slow, with my knees either side of your hips, my tits bowing into your face as I lift your wrists up above your head to gently connect them together. I will take my time kissing you, before my lips move down your body, to your neck, your shoulder, your nipples. Then, my sex will grind down onto yours. I will set the pace, I will do exactly what I want to you, while you pull against the knot. 

Next time you go to an ice cream parlour, take a minute to think through all the hundreds and thousands of possible combinations; all the flavours, textures, bases and tops. And then, as you’re browsing through the vanilla, strawberry, biscoff, and mint choc chip, imagine all the fun you could have trying them all.

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