The Good, The Bad, and The Smug

I don’t fancy the guy who’s giving me head. The head is OK, the guy is OK, but I’m lying here, thighs spread, and my mind is gently drifting away. I’m not questioning why I don’t fancy him, there’s no panic or insecurity; I’m calm in my indifference. It’s like coming down in the morning and dutifully cooking breakfast, even though you’re not hungry. The […]


Great Aural

The other night, a guy made me soaking wet by imitating the Barnsley accent of his girlfriend. Someone growling deeply into my ear as they fuck me from behind causes delicious palpitations. I am far, far more likely to go on a date with you if you’re from Manchester or Glasgow than the Home Counties. Not enjoying phone sex or dirty talk is a swipe […]



White blonde. Each short pigtail is puffy, like a dandelion clock ready to float away. A confident sideways grin; a “yeah, try it then” grin. A tiny but fearless imp in a pinafore dress. This is me on my first day of school, aged 4 and a half.  Sandy blonde. The severity of the bob scraping my jaw. An easy, open smile; the smile you […]

Body Matters

A letter to the guy who dumped me for being fat

Hello there, I hope you’re well! I’m writing this to prevent me from screaming it down the phone at you. So firstly, you’re welcome. Secondly, fuck you.  … On our first date there was a moment; one of those little moments that people like me write about in fiction about love and romance and perfect, tempestuous relationships that are tested but always come back from […]