It was feminism that did it. Feminism and my own redundant reproductive organs; both some misplaced indicators of womanhood that I did not, could not, connect with. It was that feeling that other people have described before, more eloquently than me, of feeling wrong, of feeling you’re doing something wrong, acting wrong, failing at being what you appear to be. I appeared to be a […]
Body Matters / Dating / Romance
Chemistry Lessons
CW: body dysmorphia A guy just ended things with me by saying the chemistry wasn’t right. By telling me that he had liked me more when we were messaging, than in person. I wish I could say that it was the first time someone had said that to me, that there was no “spark”, but I can’t. It’s not even the second time this year […]
Body Matters / Erotica
Pretty Dicks
There is a bare, hard dick in front of my face right now. It’s there for a very specific reason; I’m going to study it. Recently I was asked, ‘What makes a dick pretty?’. The short answer; everything. Dicks are beautiful to me. They are sculptural, as if hewn and modelled; each one is perfectly designed, whether deliberately or by coincidence. They are structural, both […]
Body Matters
A Hairy Subject; growing my pubes
Lately, my favourite thing has been to slowly stroke my fingers through the hair around my cunt. I do it almost absent-mindedly, when I’m falling asleep, or in the shower, or lying on the sofa. It’s at that length where each strand feels like buttery silk. Some are straight, some curl into my skin, but all are soft. The softest parts are the slightly longer […]
Body Matters
To BBW or Not To BBW
Big. Beautiful. Woman. If you have to put the words big and beautiful together in that way, then you’re suggesting they don’t belong together in the first place. You’re saying that big people have to be told we’re beautiful. We actually don’t; we need to be shown it. We need to see ourselves in the world, and we need to be heard, and we need […]
Body Matters / Eating Disorders / Identity
What’s in a name? Pt. 2
CW: eating disorders, weight-loss There are times when eating everything isn’t sexy. Sometimes after eating a McDonalds, I don’t joyfully suck dick; I throw up. Not deliberately; involuntarily, due to the sheer volume of food I’ve eaten in a short space of time, the combination of the two causing my digestive system to shudder and churn and billow, and the storm that was brewing suddenly […]
Body Matters / Dating
Do Bodies Count?
I don’t know how many people I’ve had sex with. I don’t know how many have penetrated me, how many have brought me to orgasm, how many dicks I’ve sucked. I’m not sure how many genitals I’ve seen in real life or how many have seen mine. How many flies have I zipped open with an urgent hunger? I didn’t realise I was meant to […]
Body Matters
A Normal, Human Body
I hate writing this. I hate that I have to. I hate that I’ve written it before and I continue to write about it because the same shit keeps happening every single year. It’s January and the diet and wellness industry is in heat. They’re horny not for your health, but for your money. They don’t care if you’re healthy or thin or happy; they […]
Audio Porn / Body Matters / Erotica
The Pictures I Send Lovers
Listen as audio Do you want a photo of me? Do you want a shot of my body, my face, my expression as I climax? Do you want something to look at while you’re alone, desperately wishing I was there with you? Do you want something to help you imagine touching me anywhere you want to? Do you want my body to be all yours, […]
Body Matters
A letter to the guy who dumped me for being fat
Hello there, I hope you’re well! I’m writing this to prevent me from screaming it down the phone at you. So firstly, you’re welcome. Secondly, fuck you. … On our first date there was a moment; one of those little moments that people like me write about in fiction about love and romance and perfect, tempestuous relationships that are tested but always come back from […]